Friday, August 26, 2011

Indiral Tablet

I guess a person suffers from any heart disease will have two types of pain.

That is the direct pain of the disease itself ; which is something that can be described as per what it is. Chest tightness can sometimes become unbearable. Dyspnoea or difficulty in breathing as what layman will understand, sometimes is too horrible that she will end up breathing through mouth only, one deep breath each time because with chest tightness she experienced, she always feel as if her lungs are not adequately filled. In case she needs a sound sleep (which every human being need!), she needs at least 2 pillows and cushions on top of that so that her head is adequately higher than her body. And always sleep on her right side. Or else, dypsnoea will strike again and she will end up sleeping (if she ever manage to) to the sound of her heart beating. Good point is at least there's one Prophet sunnah that she keeps doing every day- sleeping on right side of the body.TOINK!

And an indirect pain which is indescribable but yet more mind-boggling ; the struggle to take every breath she can because of the fear of not able to do so the next seconds. Thought of sudden death can be extremely painful to mind and heart (baca:jiwa dan raga).  It makes her mind wanders upon all hearts that she might have hurt in the past, and never got chance to say sorry. All her future plans can suddenly become vague. Will she become a doctor? Have daughter? And most importantly, where will she go in the Hereafter? All she keeps thinking is she doesn't have much time left. She can't afford any failure and frustration anymore for every time that happens, she becomes more friable, more vulnerable. She might not have much time left..So why doesn't the Earth conspire and fulfill all her wishes?

But she should look into the bright side of the pain.

Take that direct pain as a warning sign. Instead of being distress, go for de-stress! For the past one month, workload has doubled or maybe quadrupled. Or increase exponentially? You tell. With weekly events to be handled (and 'ragam manusia' that comes with it-last minute cancellation, cancellation without notice, improperly dressed, reti-komen-aje-tapi-tolong-tak-nak people etc), catching up with studies, dealing with family&personal matters, it's all give her headache -----> stress --------> heart ache!  And being a perfectionist is like carrying a double-edge sword. It kills anyone if not you.That one attitude she thinks of getting rid of, sometimes, especially when you need to work hand in hand with other people. One of her bestfriend,Cat says, perfectionist is just a stuck-up.LOL.She should really keep that in mind.

And yups, all things happen to bring her closer to her Creator. It should be that way. And she's trying at her best. And still she hopes that the Earth will plot all happy endings for her. Before she closes her eyes, she wants to gain that Dr. title in front of her name, to be by the side of man she loves and most importantly to taste the sweetness of Iman. Allah, please help her.

As usual, I don't really let people to comment on this. Obviously because I don't think anyone would understand what I've been mumbling above and even more obvious,I don't write for sympathy. I write because it heals me. It really heals me. A lot. More than what Indiral tablet would do.

p/s: Al-Fatihah untuk arwah Nenek yang meninggal tanggal 20 Ramadhan lepas akibat serangan jantung.

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